Motivation... Again

I found myself wondering, as I sifted through paperwork in my office and cleaned off my desk. I found myself looking out of the window, at nothing in particular, just people going on about their daily lives... Someone checking the mail, someone walking a dog.. A couple walking with a small child leading them. It was such a bright and lovely day... Yet inside I couldn't muster the energy to partake in it myself. I saw each of them going about their own lives, each seemingly having some purpose... some meaning.

I wished more than anything that I could enjoy a walk in the sunshine myself... But I couldn't. I found myself stuck in my chair, deep in thought, wondering about so many things... Wondering what I wanted to accomplish, what I want to be... How to achieve a dream which has eluded me for so long... And how to overcome my own feelings of boredom and lack of motivation.

It's always been difficult to find the motivation that I need at times. Which is ironic, given that most people think that it's something that I'm good at: the drive to continue forward, to pursue goals, and succeed at whatever I attempt to. When it comes down to it.. I can't really take the credit for it. My greatest motivations in life have always been external... family, friends... and someone very special to me. There's no greater motivation than the love and care of another, someone who wishes to see you succeed for no other reason than their desire for you to be fulfilled and content; someone to share in your successes and help you through your failures.

It's funny to think that a simple emoticon smile or the simple word "boy" can give me the energy and desire to do whatever needs to be done and achieve things which I otherwise may not have. Simple things which have the power to unlock my full potential, even after all this time. I don't know why this is the case... but it's undeniable. And I still love it, each and every day.

Maybe I'll have to find my own way of motivating myself consistently, but... For now I'm glad that I have help when I need it. Someone who can enjoy whatever it is that we've had and continue to have.... someone who reminds me that I'm never alone, even if it feels like I am. And someone who keeps me going, when I need it most.